


johnny ran away with you.

by ammamanagucci



Category: The Beatles (Band)
Genre: 1950s, M/M, McLennon, Period-Typical Homophobia, Romance, Smut, Teddy Boy John Lennon, Teen Romance, The Quarrymen Era, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-18
Updated: 2020-10-03
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:33:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24248098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ammamanagucci/pseuds/ammamanagucci
Summary: John and Paul, both in rival teddy boy gangs, had fallen madly in love with each other over a summer affair. Both boys now must find ways to continue their romance behind their gang members’ backs. However, the two boys were not prepared to be caught by one of their gang members, who have similar feelings for John. Once the word spreads around, John and Paul must take a leap of faith to Paris where they encounter Brian Epstein, and Paul soon realizes that he got more than he bargained for.summary edit 9/24/2020
Relationships: John Lennon/Paul McCartney
Comments: 14
Kudos: 96





	1. summer nights

**Author's Note:**

> prologue!! this will be multiple chapters, i'm so hyped for this fanfic!! a million thanks to my beta ray/pauls_broken_a_glass. i'm open to feedback since this is my first serious fanfic that i'm writing <3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dreading school the next day, paul lays in bed recalling a vivid memory of him and john at the beach, where they shared one of the most intimate moments of their lives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> prologue!! this will be multiple chapters, i'm so hyped for this fanfic!! a million thanks to my beta ray/pauls_broken_a_glass. i'm open to feedback since this is my first serious fanfic that i'm writing <3
> 
> edit 9/24/2020: this has been bothering me for a long time but a whole ass paragraph has been missing from this chapter so i added it!

It was almost as if it were yesterday, the two secret lovers dashed across the empty beach in what seemed to have been the middle of twilight for all he cared, Paul lied in bed, reminiscing of that certain day where he and John had the most perfect rendezvous of the entire summer. The beach generally closed around six in the evening, but who was really going to police them? Nobody was around. It was just them and the stars in that moment... The two were unstoppable, with John giving Paul a much-needed boost of confidence, and Paul giving John the sense of belonging he had gone so long without. The pair had been hanging out briefly during the whole summer, sneaking around during mid-day when their group members had been out of town, or busy. However, that day or, night rather, was the first time the two could fully enjoy themselves. No need to worry about Stu, John’s best friend and his sidekick in his gang, or George, Paul’s friend whom he treated like a little brother. Each lad led the respective groups of which the boys associated with. The two teens however seemed to have managed to form a secret romance nonetheless, despite their groups rivaling each other greatly. Paul could recall exactly how the day went in his head; the fiery oranges and yellows and the calming deep purples and blues mixing together in the sky and the soft sand beneath their bare feet, shoes discarded far far away hours ago... The way the older male grabbed him by the waist with his larger, rougher hands and embraced him before falling back into their sandcastle together, knocking the remnants absolutely everywhere... The way the brunette had kissed his neck so tenderly. He also recalled their shared fear of going back to school. The fear that someone could potentially find out about their illegal affairs, their gangs at war with one another... 

John held Paul close to his bare chest, laughing and running his hands up and down the younger male’s body, caressing every inch of him possible, whether it was through the slightly damp swim shorts or his own bare skin. John’s hands, calloused from guitar strings and switchblades, gently rubbed up and down Paul’s curvy thighs, as they drank in the understanding silence broken only by the waves crashing on the shore. They wanted to relish in this intimate moment forever. Although it certainly was not their last moment together, they never knew for sure. Such a relationship between two men was dangerous. John’s slightly chapped lips kissed up and down Paul’s sensitive neck, causing the younger boy to tilt his head off to the side and let out a soft, almost girlish moan as he squirmed, the other's rough hands still roaming his body. Paul had love bites all over the upper half of his body left by the brunette, which were oh so easily exposed no matter what the younger male wore. They decorated his pale neck, delicate shoulders, his collarbone, where the most sensitive skin laid. He was John’s, completely marked, just as everything was supposed to be. They were meant to hold each other in their arms and whisper sweet nothings, to love each other with all their hearts, to be with each other throughout every waking moment of their lives. 

Everything felt right in that moment, until a familiar cloud of worry caught up to them and quickly plagued their young minds, filling them with doubt and worry. Paul sat up a little in John’s lap, just enough to get his point across, to show he was genuinely worried for their future. They were still so young after all. And nobody knew what it may have in store. 

“Johnny...” Paul mumbled, looking over at John’s face with worry etched into his beautiful features. 

“Yes Paulie?” The brunette raised an eyebrow at the younger male, his stomach now invaded by rabid butterflies. 

“Are we..." The ravenette bit his pouty bottom lip before continuing. "Gonna see each other again?” Paul inquired with increased anxiety. Silence was in the air for a moment as John took moment to think about the very serious question at hand previously asked. Certainly, this couldn’t be their last moment truly together. John wouldn’t allow it. He was too stubborn to let another person in his life go... 

For the longest time now, John had this empty hole deep in his heart left over from years of pain, often suppressed, shoved deep down inside to ignore completely, locking that lonely, despairing and sometimes downright self-hating feeling away from everyone. On the outside, John had a tough persona and seemed like he had his life together and knew what he wanted. He'd cripple someone if they dared insult him or anyone in his gang. He seemed as if he was going to go to an art school and pursue his dreams of being an artist like Stu. But deep down, John was lost. He didn't truly know what he wanted. Until he met a beautiful young man who opened his eyes to the beauty of the world and reignited his love for music. Paul filled that void within him, filling the emptiness with a warmth he’d never felt before in his life. Not from his mother or his aunt. It was fiery, intense and sometimes, it burned brighter than the sun, or even a thousand suns. John was absolutely hooked on this burning sensation like it was his own drug, and couldn’t afford to lose the one responsible for it. For showing him how to live again. 

John leaned in to close the already small gap between them, pressing his own lips against Paul’s soft pouty ones. The ravenette’s beautiful, everchanging hazel eyes widened with confusion evident in them, was this a soon-to-be tearful goodbye? Paul twisted himself so his torso faced John, and wrapped his arms around the older male’s neck, tempted to drag him down into the sand with the other being on top, wanting to hold onto John and cherish this moment forever if it were their last. However, he decided against this action, and his question was left unanswered. Perhaps he didn’t really want an answer, but something deep inside him was screaming at him to demand one. Paul pulled away from John and stared into his soft brown eyes. A sense of relief washed over him in that moment of silence. Their connection was so deep, a single glance said more than thousand words ever could. Paul needed to hear it, though. He needed that extra reassurance to quell his doubt. 

“John. Is this the last time?” Paul’s brows furrowed somewhat, his gaze intensifying and his heart beat faster, anxious for a response.

“Of course not, love,” John shook his head, almost in disbelief of the mere suggestion of that. “I can’t live without ya, Paul. You mean the world to me. To hell with what Stu or George has to say, Paul, I love you,” John’s expression softened at that word, his sincerity evident by the tone of his voice. Sure, John has had a couple serious relationships, but since meeting Paul, he wondered what love really was and concluded that love was more than just holding hands. Love was deeper and than that, much deeper, which John couldn’t quite understand, but the love that they had felt so different. So fiery. So real... 

Paul leaned forward, closing the gap between them once again and pressed his lips against John’s rather aggressively, arms immediately tightening around his neck and shoulders with need in his worried state. With a sudden and rough pull, John was on top of the younger male, his knee in the middle of Paul’s splayed legs, and his mouth quickly traveling down Paul’s neck to leave evidence of their encounter. The brunette sucked aggressively on the ravenette's neck, causing him to squirm around and tangle his fingers in the older boy’s reddish hair auburn, pressing his head against his neck. Paul’s soft moans were only heard by John, and John craved to hear more of them. Paul’s clothed erection throbbed John’s bare knee, begging to be noticed and throbbed for attention. And noticed, it was. John’s large hand lightly traveled down Paul’s chest, down to his stomach, and stopped at his thighs. John grinned at Paul wickedly and squeezed the soft flesh for a moment teasingly. Paul was completely entranced by the knowing look in John’s dark brown eyes, his cheeks heating up and flushed a soft red. He knew John was up to no good with that damn grin, which just excited him even more. So much more... John, being older than Paul, was much more experienced in the bedroom and knew exactly what buttons to press to have the other writhing and moaning mess underneath him. 

“Beg for me,” John commanded softly as he licked his lip, his slightly calloused fingers tapping against Paul’s porcelain skin almost impatiently. The ravenette stared up at John for a moment, before he looked off to the side shyly, biting his lip almost in a pleading manner. 

"Please, Johnny...” Paul whimpered softly, wiggling his hips desperately. 

“Please what, love?" John smiled. "An' look at me while ya beg, you look absolutely beautiful like this, Paulie,” John’s index finger stroked the inside of Paul’s thigh, the young boy now starting to sweat. "All mussed up 'n red while you're begging for me..." John trailed off. Paul looked back up at John, locking eyes with him. 

“Please Johnny, please touch me...! Y’know I’ve always wanted to do this... Please, John, please, I need ya!” Paul begged, thrusting his hips upwards with a small whimper, then it changed into a deeper groan. John’s hand moved towards Paul’s crotch, where he began to rub at the aching bulge bound by the swim shorts before tugging the elastic of them down, exposing his cock throbbing for attention. 

“I’ll be nice for now, love,” John leaned forward and kissed Paul on the lips, shoving his tongue deep into the other’s throat in a rough French kiss, his hand wrapped around Paul’s cock... 

Paul’s eyes fell heavy, the boy’s sheets just barely covering his half naked self. He had been anxious about school the next day and could not keep his wandering mind off John and that evening at the beach. That beach where they ran free like the young boys they were, in love, and were without a care about how wrong it was. Paul was fast asleep, his cock already hard from the memory of the beach. He couldn't stop thinking about it no matter what. He was definitely going to be having a wet dream tonight with how this was going... 


	2. here we are again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tensions rise between the two teddy boy rivals once they go back to school. Unbeknownst to the star-crossed lovers, things would get heated in the bathroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wew, thank you guys for the positive feedback! i'm also open to critiques. this chapter isn't beta'd, if you're interested in being a beta, let me know! <3

“Paul!” Jim exclaimed from downstairs, rushing towards Paul’s room seconds later in a panic. Paul’s alarm had been going off for the past twenty minutes, the loud ringing traveling across the room, easily being heard from outside Paul’s room, which in turn, alerted Jim. How Paul couldn’t hear his alarm going off was beyond him, he was so damn close to the thing. In a haste, his father was already in his son’s room, shaking Paul awake for a couple seconds. Jim did not have the time to sit around and wait for Paul to wake up. Jim was a respectable working man and was trying to set an example for his boys. He was in a rush to get to work on time, and to get Paul at school in time, too. Usually, Jim would have dropped him off this day, but since Paul had slept way past when he was supposed to wake up, Paul would have to take the bus. 

“Paul, wake up!” Jim exclaimed, stripping Paul’s blanket off him to wake him up. “You have to take the bus today, I’m runnin’ late,” Jim began as Paul stirred awake with a groan, neither him or his father paying attention to the fact that Paul had a raging hard-on pressing against his boxers. Jim understood, he was once a teenage boy, too. “Love you, Paul, there’s some toast downstairs,” Jim waved to Paul, already out of the room and soon, out of the house. 

Paul laid there only half awake, his cock still rock solid from the dream he had, hoping that his father hadn’t noticed it. It pulsed and throbbed, begging to be taken care of right then and there. The memory of John on the beach drove him mad. Whenever Paul pleasured himself alone, it was usually to the thought of John. At first, he tried to deny the feeling. He tried thinking of a tall, beautiful woman with an hourglass shape, long, wavy hair... Brown eyes... A gorgeous smile... Whenever he tried to think of this woman, the image morphed into John. Paul could not escape the thought of John, John captivated him deeply. Not only was he madly in love with him, he took inspiration from him heavily, both in style and attitude. He thought John was the coolest looking guy he had ever seen. In fact, when they first met, Paul was intimidated by him because of his tough guy façade he kept up. But over those brief summer affairs and that day at the beach, Paul had worked away at John’s wall and tore it down, exposing John solely to Paul. No other bird that John had been with could understand him like Paul did. 

Paul sat up; his cheeks flushed a soft pink as he started realizing how badly he needed to pleasure himself. He knew he wouldn’t have enough time to rub one out. Paul generally had self-control over such matters, especially when he knew how important it was that he did not miss school. He figured that he would give it plenty of time to go away on its own, but in the back of his mind, he knew it wouldn’t go away anytime soon, not with the image of John and the beach freshly ingrained in his mind. 

It took about a minute before Paul rolled out of bed and began his morning routine of brushing his teeth, putting on his uniform, gelling his hair, then finally combing it into a perfect overblown quiff. He was elated that his jeans were able to conceal his erection to a certain degree, but there was always that slightly noticeable bulge that bothered Paul throughout the morning. Once Paul completed his routine, he looked over himself one more time, his stomach now tangled in knots and he could feel his heart on fire. Paul knew his nervousness didn’t arise from the fact that it was his first day back at school, it was because he knew that once he stepped foot on campus, he was John’s rival. Everyone was aware of their rivalry, and no one would have ever expected them to be friends, let alone secret lovers. Paul wanted to embrace John the moment he saw him again. He wanted to engulf his lover in his warmth and for the world to pause around them. He wanted to feel John’s soft lips against his the moment they laid eyes on each other, but he knew that it wasn’t a possibility, at least for a while. He wasn’t sure what he was going to do with John, the boy was driving him mad. How could they keep this whole thing going behind everyone’s backs? 

Paul shook his head and exited the bathroom, now focused on the task at hand, which was to catch the bus. Paul was losing track of time. He split down the stairs and made his way into the kitchen, where there were two pieces of buttered toast sitting there on the table, taking a large bite from both slices. He was expecting that eating would ease his stomach, and partly, the toast did soothe his stomach and burning heart. Finally, the ravenette bolted out the door, backpack in tow, and careered towards the bus stop. It was cold, Paul’s breath easily visible and his cheeks going red again, the teen shuddering and stuffing his hands in his pockets. Today was going to be an overcast, if not rainy day, as usual. 

~~~~

John had been standing outside the side of the school, his Aunt Mimi made sure that he was always there early. Glasses, John, you don’t want to be late for the first day. Mimi nagged him this morning. John wasn’t a morning person, but today, he was giddy to see his Paulie and to have his first ciggy of the morning. The image of the beautiful ravenette burned into his mind, leaving John in an almost drunken daze, merely intoxicated just by the thought of his name... Paul... Paul was eye candy. None of these girls could ever compare to Paul, even all dolled up with their makeup, they could not match Paul’s beauty. Paul had the perfect amount of softness that John was attracted to, and the intelligence that John always wanted to share with someone. John was wrapped around Paul’s finger. 

Currently, Stu and Pete were present with John, the trio with a ciggy in their mouths each. They spent most of the morning catching up and poking fun at each other, each boy complaining about their guardians at home, talking about girls in the school... John fixed up his uniform nervously, struggling to be in the moment. Truthfully, John was in la la land with Paul. Paul, Paul, Paul, that’s all he could think of anymore. All morning, John had been enthralled by the memories of the beach and was incredibly eager just to look at Paul. He knew they had to see each other soon, he was addicted. 

“Y’know McCartney and those other queers? I wonder where they’re at, I hadn’t seen ‘em in a while and I’ve been aching to fight em again,” Stu grinned at John, cigarette hanging out of his mouth. John’s stomach fluttered at the name McCartney, but his ruffian mask did not falter. 

“We’ve only been 'ere for ten minutes an’ you’re already looking for some trouble, can’t ya take it easy for a bit?” John glanced back at Stu, his brows furrowed slightly. He took a drag of his cig. 

“I think Lennon’s gone soft,” Pete piped up, hands in his pockets. 

“Yeah, John, usually you’d be up for a fight, what gives?” Stu inquired, studying John’s facial features. Stu, being John’s closest friend, could read into John. Admittedly, he attracted to John, however, due to circumstances at the time, a relationship with John would not have worked out, since John was struggling with his sexuality and was adamant that he was heterosexual. He had worked down John’s walls at one point, but not as much as Paul did. Paul was extraordinary in John’s eyes. The shorter male brushed it off as John being tired. 

“I just don’ feel like fuckin’ fighting first thing at like, what, seven in the morning? If you wanna go pick a fight with ‘em, go ahead, I wanna enjoy my damn smoke,” John retorted back almost defensively, his voice having a bit of edge to it. He gave Stu a particular look that said ‘drop it.’ Stu and Pete exchanged looks with a small grin. 

“Yeah, he’s gone soft,” they both laughed, and shoved John playfully, meaning no true ill intent. And after that, Stu dropped the topic after John rolled his eyes, taking another long drag of his smoke. He was not one to mess with in the morning, and Stu knew that. Stu had seen John beat the shit out of people for fucking with him in the morning, and he was fully aware of what John could do, especially with that switchblade of his. 

“How about we meet after school or something? We can head over to the diner an’ pick up some nice birds,” Stu suggested. “Y’know, that cinema has a discount going on, thirty pence.” 

“I should be able to go, unless Mimi nags me about it,” John shrugged nonchalantly, and Pete nodded in agreement. With plans now in place, John’s mind wandered off back to Paul while the two engaged in their morning chatter, taking long drags of his cigarette. 

~~~ 

By the time Paul arrived, the first bell had rung, and he and the other students all rushed to class. John headed inside the building rather swiftly, down the hallway of his first period, and headed into the bathroom. John cooped himself up in the larger stall, which was meant for injured students, and sat on the toilet with his feet propped up against the door. He didn’t want it looking like someone was in the stall, although soon he’d be smoking, which was going to be a dead giveaway. John already received his schedule via mail and did not care for his first class whatsoever. Paul had already gone to class, wondering if he had any classes with John or any of his gang members. 

Paul sat in his seat, although a little antsy while his teacher introduced himself and started taking role. It seemed as if this process took an hour, Paul practically staring up at the teacher, just waiting for the name John Lennon to be uttered. The boy bit his lip in anticipation, but to his ultimate disappointment, John’s name was not spoken, nor Stu or Pete. He slumped back with a sigh of a bittersweet relief, his butterflies now gradually dissipating. 

“Who wants to take role call down to the office?” The male teacher inquired. The class looked at each other in awkward silence. “Anyone?” Paul raised his hand, supposing he might as well do it and head to the bathroom as well, to hopefully wash his face and take care of the problem that was stirring in his pants. It seemed like it wasn’t going away anytime soon, and it ached terribly. 

Paul stood up, grabbed the attendance list from the other male, and headed off to the office rather quickly. His mind was racing, he could hardly think straight with most of his blood flowing to his crotch. What If he saw John on the way back to class? What if John wasn’t even here at all? Paul felt like he was going mad already. He needed John. He needed to hold him one more time. Paul hungered for the warmness of his forbidden lover, and his appetite was growing rapidly by the minute. 

After he dropped the roll call off at the office, the ravenette progressed up the stairs to the hallway where his class took place, and swung a right, directly into the boys’ bathroom. The bathroom reeked of cigarette smoke—it was a miracle the smoke alarm didn’t go off — which made Paul choke up a bit. The young man started coughing rather violently and waving the smoke out of the air, startling the brunette in the stall behind him. 

John perked up at the sound of coughing. He knew it was Paul, he practically smelled him. John licked his lips and carefully looked through the crack of the stall’s door, scanning to see if Paul was alone. To John’s pleasant surprise, his theory was confirmed, which delighted him greatly. John spotted Paul fixing himself up nicely in the mirror, adjusting his uniform, combing his hair over... Not like Paul needed to, John thought, Paul always looked perfect and pristine. 

Once Paul was done touching himself up, he quietly went into the stall next to John’s, not paying too much attention to whoever was smoking next to him. Everyone knew people smoked in the bathroom, and Paul was guilty of it himself. Paul sighed, sitting on the toilet seat and leaned back against it, his jeans still bulging. He bit his lip, his hand traveling down to his groin where he began to rub his palm back and forth his aching erecting, causing the young male to shudder. He bit his lip, his breaths growing more intense while his hand moved faster, toes curling in his shoes. He wanted to drop his pants right then and there and start pleasuring himself, but he didn’t feel right doing it, not with someone in a stall next to him. Paul was in bliss, his eyes closed as he idly stroked himself through his pants. 

John grinned deviously. His little Paulie was a few feet away from him; only a pesky wall was keeping the two apart. Paul was being awfully quiet, John thought, his mind wandering to the possibilities of what he was doing... He knew for a fact that Paul wasn’t using the bathroom, it would’ve started smelling already. The corner of his mouth twitched at the ideas he was having... Could Paulie be pleasuring himself? John sat there for another moment, letting his imagination running wild before taking action. 

The brunette took one more drag of his ciggy and put it out in the toilet before lowering the lid with caution, as to not startle Paul, and stepped on top of it. He was surprised the thing didn’t break under his weight. Unexpectedly, with great force, John threw himself at the wall shared between the two bathrooms with a loud smack that echoed throughout the bathroom, grabbing onto the top of wall and pushed himself up, now hovering over Paul. 

At the sudden noise, Paul snapped out of his daze and jolted up, his body nearly falling off the toilet seat. His eyes wide with panic as he looked up at John, brows furrowing. The poor lad’s heart was racing and felt like it was going to beat out of his chest. 

“What the fuck?!” Paul exclaimed in dismay, hands covering his crotch. He was distraught about being startled like that, but soon realized that it was only John. He breathed a sigh of solace, grateful that it wasn’t some other random troublemaker. He slumped down. “You scared me, Johnny, what the hell was that for?” 

“Oh come on, t’was funny. What are you doing there, Paulie, hmm?” John’s wicked smile grew wider, knowing just how to embarrass Paul. “Need a hand, love? Doll?” 

“Oh fuck off, I can do it meself,” Paul rolled his eyes and laughed a bit. “'Sides, I can’t stay here long, teacher will think I’m playing hooky or something,” He relaxed in his seat, his hands folded in his lap. Though he was comfortable with John, he was sheepish about being caught pleasuring himself. “What are you doing in here anyways, besides stinkin’ up the whole place?” 

“Didn’t feel like going to class. Teacher’s a real bitch, y’know. Mimi’s gonna kill me if she finds out,” John shook his head dismissively. Whatever, it wasn’t his first argument with Mimi anyways. “So, you’re just gonna sit here an’ wank off, or are ya gonna go back to class?” 

“I should really get going, Johnny...” Paul frowned at that thought of leaving John so soon. Paul had been waiting to see him for weeks, however, he was afraid of being caught in the bathroom with John. His heart sank at the thought of leaving John, and it showed in his face. 

“Oh come on, Paulie, loosen up a bit. It has been weeks since I’ve seen you, I don’t think anybody’s gonna notice you’re in here anyways,” John smirked, pleading for Paul to stay with him. It was evident in his eyes that he didn’t want Paul to leave just as much as Paul didn’t want to leave John. They locked eyes in understanding of the situation, and in that moment, mutually agreed that Paul should stay in the bathroom. John knew how incredibly difficult it was going to be for him to keep up this false rivalry between them in front of their friends and peers. John would never be able to lay a hand on Paul, even if it meant giving up his whole façade. 

“I suppose I can stay,” Paul nodded up at John, a smile growing across his own face. John’s smile only grew bigger. 

“Ya still gonna keep goin’? I’m in the bigger stall, come mere and put on a show for me, Paulie,” John suggested with a sly grin, licking his lips. He noticed how Paul sat up at that thought, watching the teen’s cheeks turn into a soft red. “Or maybe I could just help you,” John added, causing Paul to bite his lower lip. Paulie seemed to like that idea. 

Paul stood up and exited his stall abruptly, waiting outside of the larger stall. John dropped down from the wall and onto his feet carefully, proceeding to unlock his stall. Paul stood there, and John’s large calloused hands moved to Paul’s slender hips, pulling him closer to his own body. John enfolded Paul, his grip tightening into a bear hug, their bodies sharing warmth. Paul wrapped his arms around John, gripping onto the back of his shirt until his knuckles turned white. It felt like their first hug in years, and it felt amazing. The burning sensation in both of their hearts ignited once again, and in this moment, they shared the same flame that seemed to grow bigger and brighter. The brunette kissed the side of Paulie’s head a few times, those rough hands caressing up and down his sides tenderly, feeling the younger one’s bulge against his thigh. John’s gentle kisses traveled to the ravenette’s girlish jawline, then down to his neck where he ran his tongue along his pale neck, tickling the younger male. Paul shuddered, loosening his grip on John’s shirt and let out a soft moan, only heard by John. With his hands on Paul’s hips, John cornered Paul against a wall, and whispered into his ear. 

“Ya gotta be quiet now, Paulie, we don’t need someone bargin’ in here and hearing your cute moans,” John ran his tongue along Paul’s ear, then down his delicate neck once again. Paul bit his lip and tilted his head to the side, suppressing a moan. Paul’s bulge was pressed firmly against John’s thigh, and he had begun to grind on his thigh absentmindedly. He wasn’t realizing that he was rubbing up on John like that, he was so entranced by John’s dominant aura, he almost forgot that they were in the school bathroom. John’s rough calloused hands traveled along Paul’s thin body, being very gentle in the way he handled Paul. His fingertips traced around his chest, down his stomach, and finally down to his thighs where he gave them a gentle squeeze. Without warning, John’s chapped lips latched onto Paul’s smooth neck and started sucking aggressively. Paul whimpered. 

“J-John... Not my neck, people are gonna see...” Paul protested, but John was occupied with marking Paul in lovebites, and Paul didn’t make a huge fuss about it either. In fact, Paul loved every hickey John left on him. He adored how they looked on him, though, it was always a pain to conceal them. John moved his lips along Paul's neck and to his collarbone, giving him a large, dark lovebite there too. Paul closed his eyes, now in the same bliss he was previously, and allowed John to mark him as he pleased. 

Paul’s dainty right hand traveled up John’s back, his fingers tickling John’s back a little, and placed his hand on top of John’s head, fingers tangled in his beautiful shiny auburn hair. His fingertips massaged his head in a circular motion, pushing his head down on his collarbone. His cock was begging to be rubbed, he could feel the tip of it poking out of his knickers already. Paul was lightheaded, relying on the wall to keep him standing up at this point. 

John, despite the pressure on his head, pulled away from Paul’s neck to study the mess he left on his neck. It was a piece of art, created only by no other but John himself. John moved his hand from Paul’s hip to his neck, his thumb rubbing and tracing over the marks he left. They glistened in the bathroom light; John liked his kisses sloppy. The lovebites were quite big and noticeable to anyone, even from a faraway distance. John liked that. He liked knowing that Paul was his, and his only. No one else. No bird could have him, and certainly no other bloke. Only John. His rough thumb caressed the marks for another second before his hand moved to Paul’s chin, cupping it and locking eyes with Paul. He grinned, seeing Paul’s eyes widen in excitement. 

“Hang out with me tonight, Paul?” John asked, his other hand still on Paul’s hip where his thumb rubbed against his side slowly. “Please, Paulie?” His head tilted, leaning closer to Paul’s flushed face. 

“Tonight?” Paul furrowed his brows in confusion, considering the proposal. “Where would we even go, John? My dad would murder me if-” 

“I know where ya live, I’ll come over tonight,” John cut Paul off. 

“My dad would kill me if I had someone over tonight!” 

“I have a plan, I’ve snuck into houses plenty of times for some girls,” John nodded, his lips inches away from Paul’s. He leaned forward for a quick peck, the corners of his lips curling upwards into a smile. “How about it?” 

“Why can’t we do it after school?” 

“Stu’s wantin’ to meet after school, love, I would ditch em if I could. They already called me soft for not wanting to fight ya this mornin’,” John shook his head. He should have really gotten on Stu about that. John didn’t like considering himself soft, because he wasn’t a soft person. He was rough all around and had grown thicker after his mom had died. He wasn’t aware that it was okay to experience emotions and to embrace the fact that he did have feelings. John had to prove that he was a man, that he could handle anything thrown his way. But then why did Paul make him feel this way? Why did Paul have him wrapped around his finger? John frowned. Maybe he was going soft. 

“Alright, but promise you'll be quiet and don’t do anything stupid,” Paul finally gave in, mentally facepalming. How in the world was John going to sneak into his house and not wake his dad up? Paul didn’t care, he supposed that the time to worry about the technicalities would come later tonight. He trusted John, knowing his reputation, and believed that John could pull this off. 

“I promise, dolly, now let me fix your problem,” John mumbled and began to unbutton Paul’s jeans, sliding them down his legs along with his knickers, exposing the younger male’s rock hard cock. Paul’s cock was a bit smaller than John’s, but not by much. John found it adorable, he had always admired Paul’s body. So thin and pale, with a doll-like face to complete the look... 

John brought his hand up to spit in it, bringing his hand down to wrap around Paul’s throbbing cock, stroking it slowly. He watched as Paul tilted his head back, nearly banging his head against the wall, and allowed a moan to escape his soft lips, feeling Paul’s hand tug at his hair needily. John bit his lip, his gaze focused on Paul’s facial expressions. Paul’s brows furrowed in pleasure, bucking his hips into John’s hand without realizing it. John slowed his movements down to a halt, his thumb now flicking and rubbing his cock tip, focusing primarily on the slit, causing Paul to squirm. He’d never been touched like that, and never touched himself like that either. 

"Quiet, Paulie...” John gently reminded him in a low voice. Paul nodded in obedience and bit his lip, holding his breath to keep back a moan to only then exhale slowly through his nose, making a quiet grunt. John could feel how warm Paul’s cock was, how needy it was. He could feel it twitch in his hand. He knew it was needy for him and he adored seeing Paul writhe in pleasure. 

John picked up the pace, wrapping his hand around Paul’s shaft and began jerking him off at a more consistent speed. Paul relaxed, occasionally bucking his hips into John’s hand, which only made John slow down each time he did it. Quickly, Paul learned to stay still and let John work his cock at his own pace. John’s other hand moved from his hip and along his side again, brushing the back of his fingertips along his ribcage. He moved his fingers along Paul’s collarbone, and up his neck. 

Paul’s tongue lolled out of his mouth, his breathing getting heavier and heavier. All that filled the air was the sound of John’s hand jerking off Paul’s cock, and the pair’s heavy breaths. Occasionally, Paul let out a grunt or two, but he attempted to keep quiet. Precum drooled from his slit, John’s hand now getting sticky. Paul felt like he was going to cum any minute now, all over John’s hand and uniform... 

Footsteps were heard in the bathroom, surprising the two. At first, John stopped his movements and Paul opened his eyes, stiffening up a bit. The pair listened closely. John knew it wasn’t a teacher, usually a teacher would call out for whoever they were looking for. It was a student, and judging by the way the footprints sounded, it came from boots. It was a ted. John saw an opportunity here, a way to fluster his little Paulie even more. John loved being risky. Had he not been intoxicated by Paul’s arousal; John would not pull what he was going to do. He couldn’t think straight, and the idea that came to mind excited him. Paul read in John’s eyes that he was up to something. 

John began jerking off Paul again, moving his hand up and down quicker than before. Paul gasped softly, biting his lip harshly and curled his toes. Paul was a squirming mess, his hair now ruffled up and he was sweating an awful lot. John paused his stroking to rub his thumb against Paul’s cock head again, then against the throbbing vein on the underside of his shaft. Paul gasped, turning his head and finally let out a loud moan, his heart racing. He knew that whoever was in the bathroom heard him moan and could probably hear him moving against the cubicle’s wall. John grinned, wondering how Paulie was going to get himself out of this one. 

The person who entered the bathroom had entered to do his business and leave, however, the noises in John’s stall sparked curiosity and concern. He furrowed his unibrow at the noises. Was someone jacking off in there? He glanced towards the stall. 

“Ya alright in there?” The voice, Paul soon realized, belonged to George, which stirred a panic in him. John recognized the voice as well and made no efforts to stop what he was doing. Pleasing Paul like this excited him, and it was evident in his pants, which were bulging. 

“I-I’m fine!” Paul exclaimed, almost breathless from John’s teasing. He tilted his head back, biting his lip even harder to suppress a moan. John wasn’t going to win this time. 

“Paul? What are ya doin’ in there, is that another person in there?” George questioned, pulling up his pants once he was done doing his business in the urinal. 

“No, I’m just, er... I’m usin’ the bathroom, George!” Paul exclaimed and mentally smacked himself upside the head. What kind of answer was that? Paul couldn’t think at all, considering John was toying with his cock. John’s thumb kept at it, rubbing the vein on the underside of his shaft, then moved to Paul’s tip, rubbing his slit in slow small circles. Paul panted, his face now red. 

“Oh, alright, bell’s about to ring, I’d hurry up in there if I were you,” George wasn’t one to pry, nor embarrass his friend if he was doing something in the bathroom. Hell, even if Paul had hooked up with a guy, George wasn’t one to judge. He thought it would be strange, but George wasn’t judgmental of Paul or his preferences, if the bloke wasn’t a rival. Little did he know. George shrugged it off and washed his hands, rushing out of the bathroom. Whatever Paul was doing, he didn’t want any part of it. 

Once they heard George leave, the brunette’s hand wrapped around Paul’s pulsing cock again, keeping a firm grip as his pace quickened. His other hand, which was on Paul’s chest, pressed against him to keep him from moving too much. Paul closed his eyes again and relaxed, letting John take control, his body going limp against the wall once more. 

“F-Fuck, Johnny...” Paul groaned lowly, his face contorting in pleasure, brows furrowed with his mouth hanging open again. John relished in this moment, seeing Paul’s face full of pleasure. He was beautiful like this, helpless and unable to help himself. Paul’s back arched, feeling his climax coming extremely close, his toes curled in his boots. He ran his fingers through John’s beautiful soft hair, his breath hitched. Both of their hearts were racing in sync now. John kept his stroking consistent, Paul gasping softly with his eyes shut tightly. Paul came all over John’s hand and his uniform, making a mess of himself. He panted, his breath hitching once again as he tried to stabilize his breathing. He felt like collapsing in the older male’s arms now, the wall being the only thing keeping him from falling. 

“Lick it all up, Paulie, you got me shirt all dirty too,” John instructed, and Paul’s eyes fluttered open to see John’s cum covered hand in front of his mouth. Hesitantly, Paul leaned forward to lap it up, dragging his tongue thoroughly against John’s fingers, making sure to clean up all his mess. John chuckled, his pants bulging from seeing Paul clean up. He didn’t need Paul to return the favor, he was just happy to make Paul happy, and that was all that mattered to him sometimes. John leaned forward and kissed Paul’s lips, both hands now resting on Paul’s hips once again. 

“I love you, ya know,” John mumbled, burying his face in Paul’s hair. “Sometimes I just wanna hold ya all day long, Paul,” He began rambling against Paul’s head, pulling Paul closer to himself and hugged him tightly. He rocked back and forth slowly, closing his eyes and savoring the moment with Paul. Their heartbeats were perfectly aligned, they could hear it beating out of their chests out of nervousness. Rarely was John this tender to anyone. “An’ I wanna take you out and spoil ya, Paulie, I would if I weren’t so bleedin’ broke,” John murmured. 

“I love you too, Johnny,” Paul smiled, arms now wrapped around John, face buried in his neck. The two stood right there, as if the world had stopped and they were alone together at last. They lingered in the hug, neither of them wanting to ever let go. They wanted to bask in the warmth of their romance forever and ever. 

John couldn’t recall the last time he felt this warmth, or the touch of another human being. John was only human too. He couldn’t admit to himself that he was soft for Paul and would do anything for him. He needed Paul like mad, and he was coming to terms with that. The flame between them burned hotter than ever, they knew that they were unstoppable star-crossed lovers. No matter what was thrown at them, they would work their way around it. They were intelligent like that, and they were so in sync with each other. As the two slowly reeled back into reality, Paul sighed deeply and loosened his grip. John let his hands fall back onto Paul’s sides, smiling at him. 

“Go put your trousers on, dollface, I’ll see ya tonight. Make sure your window is cracked.” 

“You’re gonna come in through my window? Are you bloody mad?” Paul frowned with concern, finding that plan to be ridiculous. How in the world was John going to climb into his window and not make a ruckus doing so? How was he going to pull that off without seriously injuring himself? He worried silently, and kept reassuring himself that John would be fine. John was experienced in doing these things. 

“Mad for you, obviously, since I’m riskin’ a broken neck to see ya. We’ve gotta be careful about this, love, alright?” John nodded and took a step back from Paul. Paul bent down and pulled up his knickers and trousers, then went about fixing up his uniform. Likewise, John fixed up his hair and clothes, investigating the stains on his sleeve. They weren’t too bad, he thought, he already had some excuses prepared in the back of his mind for such matters, if anyone should notice. Paul leaned forward and gave John a final quick kiss on the lips. 

“I’ll see you soon, Johnny,” and with that, Paul left the stall and fixed his hair in the mirror, combing it and wiped the sweat off his face with a dry paper towel. The bell rang, and Paul slipped out of the bathroom and to his next class. John followed afterwards, delayed by a couple minutes since he knew it would look odd had they exited the bathrooms together, especially considering the sweat dripping from their faces and the smell of each other clung onto their persons. The flame that they had had slowly began dying down once the two had parted. Each teen could feel the coldness they were so used to when they weren’t around each other. 

~~~ 

Lunch time rolled around in the school, everyone was in the cafeteria with their cliques and their gangs. The teddy boys and girls generally separated themselves from the others during dinner, and John and Paul’s gangs sat across the cafeteria from each other. They were able to meet each other gazes, though, usually each group minded their own business. John and Paul kept gazing each other from afar, being a distraction to each other from their gang’s conversations. 

Stu sensed something was up but decided to lay low about the matter for now. He couldn’t quite figure out what was off about John today, but something was. He seemed so out of it... So different... He concluded he must be tired today since he was normally active in their conversations, but even with that conclusion drawn, Stu felt something off. An off day for Lennon, Stu tried to reassure himself. John and Paul’s gazes kept meeting, both eyeing each other in anticipation for tonight.


	3. why don't you move a little closer?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> after a long night of waiting, john sneaks into paul's room to share some memories and intimate moments.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SO SORRY FOR THE LONG WAIT!!! it's been sitting in my student drive for MONTHS now and i fell out of the fandom but i think i'm getting back in!! angst and fluff in this chapter, i'm so sorry and i hope to finish this fic! i hope you guys enjoy! chapter isn't beta'd, if you're interested in beta'ing, let me know please!! :o

Eight o’clock rolled around eventually and Paul laid in bed while the radio played at a low volume and his window was wide open, allowing a chilling breeze to come in. The young ravenette tapped his bare foot to the music, keeping his mind occupied with a book with a blanket half covering himself. He waited in anticipation of John’s arrival nervously, his mind racing with scenarios of what was to come tonight. He was worried about how John was going to climb into his window, or if he would come tonight. The clock was ticking, and with each passing minute, Paul could feel his heart flare up full of excitement, though, a cloud of worry would always linger over his head subconsciously. No matter how many words he read on the page, he could never get his mind off of John. Johnny, Johnny, Johnny... Paul was wide awake now, running through all the possibilities the night could bring. His father had fallen asleep two hours prior, considering his fluctuating work schedule, Jim needed all the sleep he could get. Paul’s personal bedtime was in an hour, but tonight, he will stay up for John. He would do anything for John, just to spend as much time with him as possible. Every minute of staying up and losing sleep was worth it to spend those minutes with John. 

Nine o’clock and the young teen’s persisting anxiety grew, and he steadily grew bored of his book. He never found this book interesting to begin with, however, he wanted to pass the time and keep his mind busy reading. He generally liked to learn about new things when he wasn’t strumming away at his guitar, yet, it was difficult to focus on anything else with John on his mind practically all the time. He was much more absentminded these days, his thoughts often trailing off to the sunset at the beach and now the school bathroom... He relished in those memories again and again, and they followed him in the night, keeping him awake as the scenes played back vividly in his mind, he couldn’t help but press rewind over and over again. Tonight, he depended on that feeling of pure ecstasy to keep him awake. He inhaled, closing his eyes for a moment to let the image of John enter his mind, sending an ecstatic shock throughout his body. Just seeing John set him alight, feeling a sudden surge of energy run through him. It was enough to wake him up more. He opened his eyes and checked the clock, then the window. There was always that cloud that was there, but Paul was riding off the high that the thought of John brought him. 

Three hours later and the clock struck midnight, and Paul was almost certain that John wasn’t going to show up. He felt his energy and high start to crash and his heart plummeted, now throbbing duly in desolation. He started to become worried and disappointed, and soon irritated. Despite being upset, he wasn’t going to let his hopes sink just yet. 

~~~ 

John had made his great escape from his bedroom window in only a t-shirt and boxers, leather jacket in tow, and a ciggy dangling out of his mouth. I’ve got to stop smokin’ these things if I’m gonna be climbing shit... John thought. After climbing down a tree by his window, scuffing up his shirt a tad, John raced down the street, not looking back. If he looked back, he was afraid he’d be caught. He ran as fast as he could, as if he was being chased by Aunt Mimi. It was freezing outside, John’s bare feet hitting the cold concrete as he ran, he regretted not being dressed. He was incredibly eager to see his Paulie. He hadn’t even bothered bringing his glasses, though, he could’ve greatly benefitted from them. Tonight was a quiet night, as all the teens were tired from their first days at school. Everyone was asleep, and no one noticed John running through the streets. 

Within a few ten minutes, the brunette had arrived at Paul’s home, doubling over to catch his breath. Slowly standing upright, he glanced around Paul’s home for any sort of entrance, eventually eyeing the open window. He could tell the house belonged to Paul because it was the only house with a window open. The home was made of brick, which was not easy to climb, but was not impossible. John put his cigarette out on the front lawn quickly and dashed to the brick wall of the home, digging his fingertips into the crevasses of the wall as well as his bare foot, keeping one foot on the ground. He stood there, contemplated, then lifted himself up and began climbing up the wall with heavy grunts. It wasn’t an easy task, he was cautious, but terribly impatient. He panted, pausing only once to catch his breath and adjust himself slightly. 

Paul heard John’s grunting and saw his calloused hands on his window frame. The young teen perked up in surprise as John managed to climb in through the window and landed on Paul’s bed, crawling to a safe position and grinned at the ravenette. Paul couldn’t contain his excitement, his whole face lit up, and in turn, the older teen’s face lit up as well. Paul leaped from his position to wrap his warm arms around John, who was freezing cold. John’s arms wrapped around Paul protectively, his hand rubbing up and down his back as if to say, ‘don’t worry, Paul, I’m here.’ 

“Johnny! Christ, you’re cold,” Paul shuddered, tightening his grip around John in an attempt to warm him up. He couldn’t believe that he left like that, in his t-shirt and boxers. “I was worried ya wouldn’t show up or something...” He confessed, pulling away for a moment to make eye contact with John, studying his face. The brunette’s cheeks were a rosy red, and his hair was in its natural state, no gel in his hair and messy. Paul’s smile grew across his face once more, seeing John for the first time without his hair done up. Paul’s fingertips ran along John’s soft hair briefly before resting his hand on John’s shoulder. Paul made eye contact with him, admiring his features. 

“Of course I was gonna show up, I had to wait for Mimi to go to bed, sorry for keeping ya up, Paulie,” John’s eyes locked with Paul’s as they both fell silent, the two now sharing a mutual admiration for each other. Slowly, John leaned forward and pressed his cold lips against Paul’s warm lips, his hands resting on the younger one’s hips. Paul closed his eyes and leaned into the kiss, his heart racing as if it were their first kiss again. 

Paul’s hands moved up to John’s broad shoulders, pinning him firmly against the bedframe. John let out a soft grunt, allowing Paul to crawl on top of him, though, he didn’t want to go any further than this. Tonight, John was in a particularly soft and cuddly mood. It was a rare mood he only felt with people he was very close to. Stu had only witnessed him in this mood one time, and it was only that one time. Even when John had a girlfriend, he was usually much more tough and hardly allowed himself to be gentle. He always felt like he had to impress whoever he was with. He never wanted people to find out his effeminate side, it was viewed as taboo and even gay. Paul didn’t need John to be tough to be impressed, he had always looked up to John since the beginning. Paul moved his lips from John’s down to his icy pale neck, where he began to leave lovebites similar, if not bigger than the ones on his own neck. John tilted his head back, grunting softly, moving his hands up and down Paul’s back. 

“Let me return the favor, Johnny...” Paul mumbled against his pale skin, moving his way down towards John’s boxers, just about ready to rip them off and return the pleasure to John. John sat up, and grabbed Paul by the chin, his thumb resting on his bottom lip. 

“You don’t have to, Paulie, I just wanna hold ya tonight,” John said sternly, holding onto Paul’s chin, and forcing the younger teen to look directly into his soft gaze. An amused grin forming across his face. 

“But John, I didn’t get to do anything to ya today...” Paul protested with a whine, pouting his bottom lip. John ran his thumb across it, then around his top lip. 

“Let me hold ya,” The brunette requested once again. 

“But John!” 

“Let me fuckin’ hold ya, Paulie,” John said firmly, tilting his head slightly. “Please, Paul? I never get to just sit here and hug ya since we’re always fuckin’ all the time,” his thumb moved from Paul’s pouty lips to his soft delicate cheek, caressing it lovingly. Paul frowned a little, which John found adorable. The young teen sat upright, wrapping his arms around John once more and rested his cheek against his shoulder. 

John was right, they never had any opportunities to just enjoy each other’s company. Though the sex and the heat of the moment was always fantastic, they were starting to realize that their relationship was much deeper than just having sex and experimenting. John was starting to learn that sometimes, it was okay to let down his façade and just love. He could trust Paul at this point, much more than he could trust Stu or even his Aunt Mimi. John’s rough hands rubbed up and down Paul’s back to soothe him, leaning his head down a bit to kiss his head. Paul melted in John’s lap, gripping onto his t-shirt and closed his eyes, his heartbeat syncing with John’s. Both of their hearts were beating out of their chests, but eventually, they started to slow down. For a long moment, John and Paul laid there in silence, with John caressing Paul’s back almost possessively. Paulie was his, and no one was going to rip him away from him, not his Aunt Mimi, not Father McCartney, and certainly not Stu. No one could have Paulie either, and Paul was fully aware of this. Paul pulled himself closer to John, now practically clinging onto him. He wasn’t going anywhere, and he’d make sure of that. 

“God, I love ya so much Paul...” John mumbled into Paul’s hair, kissing the crown of his head and sighing contently. 

“I love ya too, John. It really is crazy how we got here in the first place,” Paul's eyes fluttered open as he looked up at John, who seemed a confused at first, then realized what he was on about. It truly was insane how they went from rivals to lovers... 

~~~ 

It was yesteryear when John’s mother, Julia, had died. A month after her death, John, Stu, and Pete were invited to a party by a mutual friend, of which Paul, Ringo, and George also attended. It was like any party, with plenty of alcohol and rock music blaring throughout the house. John was the center of attention when it came to the girls, and Stu had decided to hang along the sidelines with Pete, neither particularly interested in conversing with anyone. They were mainly there for John and were always there in case anyone started anything. Stu knew he could easily start shit, one of his favorite hobbies, and had decided to stand aside and observe who John was with. It was almost as if Stu was jealous of John. Paul, on the other hand, had separated from George and Ringo to step out of his comfort zone. He was nervous, considering he didn’t exactly know many people here, and he was one of the few who was sober. He was roped into the party by George, and he wasn’t entirely disappointed by it. They played great music, and that’s all that he really cared about. 

Amidst the partying, John had to keep an eye on his boys as well. He shuffled from one of the tables where the liquor was, looking for someone to chat with. He had already chatted up plenty of women tonight, some of them irritated with his attitude. John tended to be much meaner and crass when he was drinking, and John was buzzed. Among the crowd, a dollfaced boy had caught his eye and intrigued him. He’d seen him around a couple times, and was frankly surprised to see him at this party. God, did he look beautiful as well... John grinned and made his way towards the younger teen. He was a sweaty mess. 

“What’re you ya doin’ here? Ya don’t seem like the kind to like rock n’ roll,” John inquired with a smug smirk. Paul, like John, was dressed similarly to John. Both boys wore a leather jacket complete with leather pants and boots, hair slicked back. To John, Paul kind of reminded him of Elvis. In fact, he looked like a mini Elvis, and John dug that. 

“It’s not about the look,” Paul said, almost defensively, hands in his pocket. “It’s about the music.” 

John was taken aback by that response, and Paul was right. John nodded in respect, patting Paul on the shoulder. Although Paul didn’t appear to have the attitude, why did it matter? They were both here for one thing, and that was to party. In fact, John was more than willing to take the younger lad under his wing. 

“Ay, you’re right about that one, what’s your name? My name’s John,” the brunette extended his hand for a handshake. 

“Paul,” the teen shook John’s hand, a small smile growing on his face. He liked this John guy, he seemed tough. Real tough, and Paul admired that. 

This interaction caught Stu’s attention, which he began to watch with increasing curiosity. He watched as John and Paul made conversation from afar, jealousy slowly starting to rise from deep within himself. A jealousy that only emerged on rare occasion. Stu had taken interest in John, and John was aware of this and had politely declined Stu. He wasn’t interested in blokes, at least as far as he knew. Though, John found Paul extremely attractive. Hell, John would’ve shagged Paul had they not been at a party, in all honesty, and had he been much more drunk. John figured it was alright to find a guy attractive without being into them, right? John pushed that thought to the back of his mind. Soon, John had managed to talk Paul into dancing with him and some of the other party goers, handing Paul his first shot of vodka and the two danced the night away, Stu now seething in jealousy. He had to put an end to this immediately, and as he kept sipping on his alcohol, he began to form ideas. He had an idea in mind to put an end to this newfound friendship, and Stu grinned at his own idea. 

As the party had died down, Stu, John, and Pete stumbled into the dark streets. They didn’t stick to the sidewalks, the group of teens were full of adrenaline from the alcohol and were quite rowdy. As they started walking home and settling down, Stu figured now would be a time to put his plan into action. 

“Ya know that guy ya were dancing with?” Stu looked over to John, and Pete looked deeply confused. John? Dancing with a guy? Pete was too hammered to ask questions, he just accepted it. 

“Paul? Yeah, what about him?” John asked, tilting his head. 

“Ya know, I think-” Stu hiccupped, stumbling forward before stopping the group. “I think I saw his dad’s car in the paper when your mum was ran over,” Stu had to contain his grin, and extended his hand out to John’s back. “I’m sorry to break it to ya, John, but I’m sure his dad’s car was the one in the paper,” Stu concluded. John froze in place, his heart plummeting to the bottom of his stomach. Stu could easily see John reliving the pain, the news opening up the same wounds that were trying to heal. He saw how his lie affected John. The news sobered up John, and John was pissed. He was hurt. He was absolutely crushed-- how could he have danced with the son of his mom’s murderer? He didn’t know any better, and had he know, Paul would’ve been dead by now. John clenched his fists until his knuckles turned white, ready to knock someone out. He needed to take out his pain and anger out on someone, and his target now was Paul. He vividly imagined how he would beat up Paul, his peripheral vision turning black from panic. Suddenly, John had lashed out and he couldn’t keep his anger in no longer. He yelled and screamed about how he was going to murder Paul and his whole family, and all Stu could do was sit back and watch before comforting John. 

Stu wrapped his arms around John for a hug, and John cried on his shoulder once again. Stu had a wicked smile, knowing now that he got that out of the way. No more Paul. 

… 

Weeks later, the rumor had spread around the school and although Paul had done his best to disprove the rumor, John wasn’t convinced otherwise. Hell, even Paul himself was starting to believe it to a certain extent. He never brought it up with his father, no one did. Not even John. Jim was very respected, and although the rumor seemed incredibly farfetched, no one had evidence otherwise and most were too afraid to confront or ask Jim about it. Jim was oblivious to the rumors until Paul had brought it up one night, and Jim had to comfort Paul, who was incredibly upset at the time. Frankly, no one had talked to Paul at school. He had been outcasted and shunned by many people, however, only two people had heard his truth and stuck by him, those people being George, then later on, Ringo. And they protected Paul with their lives, there had been close calls where Paul had almost been jumped, only to be protected by George and Ringo. 

It wasn’t until one night; the sun was about done setting. Streetlights had turned on and businesses were closing now, and the streets were soon quiet. A drunken Lennon was wandering around with a big bottle of alcohol in his hand, taking hearty sips from it. For weeks now, John had been drinking to numb himself emotionally. He was absolutely hammered, stumbling in the street and muttering to himself. He was almost suicidal. He was alone with his own thoughts, the alcohol depressing him more and more as the night went on. 

From the corner of his eye, he spotted a figure on the sidewalk that seemed awfully familiar. John stopped in his tracks, thinking it could be Pete or Stu. He blinked a few times, squinting his eyes. God, his vision was absolutely shit, he was blind as a bat! The teen dug into his pocket to pull out his glasses and put them on, and lo and behold, the figure turned out to be Paul himself, who seemed to be going on an evening stroll. Paul was oblivious to anyone around him, aimlessly minding his own business. He wanted to clear his mind, and the best way for him to do that was to take a walk before bed. It cleared his mind and helped him sleep much better, especially since the previous events haunted him. 

John froze and felt his heart sink to the pit of his stomach. He was disgusted, absolutely enraged. His chest burned and the burning sensation spread throughout his body, mixing perfectly with the liquor. He wanted to tear Paul apart. He wanted to jump him and beat the shit out of him. He had a brief envision of that; him on top of Paul and beating him up. Paul looked incredibly dainty and John could easily kill him with his own bare hands if he wanted to. Just the thought of Paul sobbing out encouraged him to take action. John wasn’t one to calculate his moves, he always took action. He did just that, the young brunette dashed towards Paul and tackled him to the ground from the side, dropping his almost empty bottle before doing so, and pinned Paul down on the ground. Paul was stunned, frozen in place, and he screamed for help, completely and utterly terrified. John’s fists swung at Paul’s face and chest, taking out all of his anger and pain out on Paul while Paul bled out all over the place, sobbing cries for help. He begged John to stop and made weak attempts to fight him off, but John was much stronger than the younger teen. Paul’s face was a bloody and bruised mess, and John nearly knocked him unconscious. John was almost blacking out, staring down at Paul and swearing at him. He shed a tear, his fists coming down onto Paul’s face slower and slower as he fought the urge to cry. He felt a sharp pang in his heart as he looked down at Paul’s bloodied and bruised face. Paul was sobbing and begging for him to stop, sniffling once John seemed to have taken a break. John stared into Paul’s eyes, the two making eye contact, and for once, John could see himself in Paul. He could see the pain that Paul was in, not from the beating, but from something else. Something like what he was going through. John teared up, having an epiphany after seeing Paul in this state. He was coming to the sudden realization that beating Paul up wasn’t going to fix anything. Nothing was going to change what happened, and he wasn’t satisfied with almost beating Paul to death. He still felt empty and upset, and more so guilty after all of this. Even if Jim had killed his mother, Paul hadn’t done anything wrong. In fact, he was starting to suspect that Jim didn’t do anything either... Soon, John’s emotions came crashing down, his heart plummeting to his stomach as he broke down and started to sob. Paul saw as John’s façade crumbled right in front of him, going from a troublemaking rebellious ted to someone who was incredibly broken and needed someone there for him. The younger teen was surprised to see John sob like this. Though he had an opportunity to take advantage of this situation, Paul wasn’t one to do that. He saw that John was hurting. 

“Are ya alright...?” Paul’s voice trembled, almost afraid to speak to John. It took him all the strength he had to speak, his lip busted and blood coming out of his mouth. John was startled as Paul spoke, and shakily got off him, sitting down on the cold concrete. He hugged his knees to his chest, knuckles bruised and bloody, and kept sobbing. 

“I’m so sorry,” John muttered, shaking his head in disbelief of what he’d done. Paul sat up weakly and reached a hand over to rub John’s back comfortingly. “I jus’-- Stu told me that your dad,” he choked. “Your dad killed me mum an’ I jus’ thought that hurting ya would make me feel better but it fuckin’ didn’t,” he finished, wiping his face on the sleeve of his jacket. Paul rubbed small circles in John’s back, understanding where John was coming from. He was forgiving. 

“John, it’s alright, I forgive ya,” Paul hushed John with a gentle voice. John wrapped his arms around Paul rather tightly, causing the teen to freeze up for a moment before slowly wrapping his own arms around John. John buried his face in the nape of Paul’s neck, sniffling and closed his eyes. He seemed to be calming down from the storm, embracing Paul even tighter. Paul patted the older teen’s back, the two feeling a familiar chemistry like the one they shared at the party, except this one was more intense, more personal. It burned, almost, and confused the two of them. Neither of them questioned it, they were caught in the moment. Soon, John’s sobs quieted down, the teen now only sniffling into Paul’s shoulder. 

“My mum died too, when I was fourteen,” Paul broke the silence between them, wanting John to know that he really did understand what he was going through. Slowly, John sat up, moving his arms from Paul into his own lap. 

“She did?” 

“Yeah, she had breast cancer. Died because of complications after surgery,” Paul said softly, hugging his knees to his chest and locked eyes with John, almost tearing up. 

“I... I had no idea, Paul,” John mumbled, though, one question was on his mind... “Did your dad...” He trailed off. 

“No,” Paul answered honestly. “He came home early that day and he swore he never hit anyone.” 

“So he didn’t-” 

“No, I haven’t got a clue where that rumor even came from, or who even started it.” 

Things started clicking, though, there was a piece missing to that puzzle. He knew who started the rumor, but he wouldn’t tell Paul. He wouldn’t even tell Stu about this whole incident. Why would Stu lie to him? There was something missing here... John was confused, furrowing his brow. He knew he couldn’t tell anyone about this, Paul was one of the few people who saw him break down like that, and it felt so intimate. John had to see Paul again. No one could understand the pain he was going through, except for Paul. Paul was a good person, John thought... 

~~~ 

As they laid there recalling that whole night, remembering it almost as if it had happened yesterday, silence filled the room. Until John’s sneaky hands had made their way down to Paul’s sides, where his fingertips tickled him. Paul gasped and squirmed in John’s lap, giggling uncontrollably. John’s hands tickled Paul all over to break the silence, causing Paul to laugh louder, thrashing around. 

“Johnny, I can’t breathe!” He protested. 

Suddenly, Paul could hear a familiar creek in the hallway, one that belonged to Jim. Shit, he’d woken Jim up with his laughing. In a panic, Paul tore himself away from John. 

“Fuck, me father’s awake, Johnny,” Paul panicked, and John sat up, grabbing his jacket hastily. He kissed Paul on the lips, the two exchanging goodbyes and ‘I love you’s, before John made his great escape out the window, doing his best to make his way down without injuring himself seriously. And soon, John was on his feet and running back home. 

Jim opened Paul’s door, where Paul sat there nervously, the blanket covering him completely now. 

“What’s with all the noise?” Jim asked sternly, leaning against the doorframe with a frown on his face. 

“Oh, uh, I’m sorry, dad, it was the radio,” Paul lied. Jim and Paul had a relationship built on trust, though, a little white lie wouldn’t hurt much, right? 

“Well, turn that thing off and go to bed. And close that window, it’s freezing in here,” Jim said, not wanting to argue or anything. He just simply wanted to go back to bed. Paul obeyed, turning off the radio and closing the window, then shut his lights off and laid in bed. There was no way he was getting much sleep tonight. He missed John already...


	4. those magic changes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> john grows careless about hiding his relationship with paul from stu, which leads to a confrontation one drunken night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im so glad that ppl are still reading this!! again, this isn't beta'd and i kinda wrote this all in one night to make up for my absence <3 feedback and criticism is always welcomed and if you're interested in beta'ing, let me know!!

Weeks had gone by and Stu started growing suspicious of John’s reoccurring absences from their regularly scheduled hangouts. Whenever they planned to come together after school or on the weekends, John’s excuses become much more frequent to the point that they seemed completely unlikely. Knowing John, he never missed out on spending time with his friends and causing shit. Recently John started growing less careful about hiding his relationship with Paul, often rendezvousing with the younger teen in one of John’s favorite hiding spots located by the park. That was usually the place where the brunette preferred to spend alone time when he didn’t want to be with Stu, or if he just needed to be away from everyone. He trusted Paul enough to invite him to his hideaway space, and that was practically the only way that they had been able to meet up almost every day. They would talk for hours on end about their dreams, their goals in life, both of them getting an insight into each other’s lives and their hardships. The two bonded over the fact that both of their mothers had passed away. Paul usually kept that to himself, and never spoke to anyone about it. He was one to conceal his emotions and put on a face, whereas John always came to Stu. Most of their days were spent in each other’s arms, talking about their future together. 

John’s attitude had changed, it appeared as though John was growing softer, losing his rough edges that earned him the title of the cheeky asshole he tended to be. Stu wasn’t the only one noticing these changes either, but no one dared to mentioned it. It was a subtle change, John seemed less brutal and more distant from his friends. For a month, Stu studied John and his behavior towards himself and Pete, and even tested the waters by bringing up Paul a couple times in casual conversation, often poking fun at him or trying to stir shit up. Whenever Paulie was mentioned, John could hear his heartbeat become louder. His own harsh comments about Paul had practically ceased, aside from a few jabs here and there, but that was to keep his façade up. Something was wrong, something was off, but Stu couldn’t put his finger on it to save his life. When it was brought to Pete’s attention, he dismissed it completely, totally oblivious to John’s attitude change. This bothered Stu, and he had to get to the bottom of this. He needed to know why John was acting so weird, why he was blowing them off, why he was so distant... 

One cold and foggy morning, Stu, Pete, and John stood around the side of the school building, each boy with a cigarette hanging out of their mouths. Like always, John wasn’t always present mentally. He was in his fantasy land with his Paulie, the excitement of hiding their dirty secret fresh in his mind. Though, there was always going to be that persistent cloud of anxiety lingering over him, he knew that he couldn’t keep this going forever. John, to a degree, knew he was becoming more careless about hiding their relationship. He was tired of sneaking into Paul’s bedroom almost every night to then turn around and drag his ass back to school. They had taken a bolder step in their relationship by going out to their hiding locations, which was often risky in the first place. They didn’t know what was worse, their friends finding out or their family. 

“You seem different,” Stu broke the silence between the group, which caught John’s attention instantly. Pete glanced between the two silently, not having a clue on what Stu was on about. Pete wasn’t very observant when it came to John, though, he could tell some subtle changes, but not like Stu. 

“What do ya mean?” John replied defensively, frowning and taking a small step back. He was nervous now, on edge from that comment. Was he really acting different now? Had Paul influenced him? His heart raced now, hoping that Stu was on about nothing. 

“Ya keep flaking out on us, John, you’ve been doin’ this shit for a while now. What’s up with that?” Stu raised his brows at John, his hands sliding into his pockets casually. 

John froze, his eyes widening in a brief panic. He paused, taking a long drag of his cigarette and recollected his thoughts. He knew he could convince Stu otherwise, and he already knew how to pacify him for now. He couldn’t have changed that much. He convinced himself that he wasn’t different, that he was the same old John that everyone knew. The same John that liked to cause trouble and wreck shit. He mentally cursed himself, how could he have been so lazy lately? Things were starting to get hard to keep up with, as he grew more attached to Paul. 

“Nothin’, I’ve just been busy at home, Stu,” John blew a puff of smoke out of the side of his mouth slowly, sighing. 

“You usually blow off Mimi and chores and ya never blew us off like this before,” Stu pointed out, noticing how John seemed like a deer in the headlights, despite him trying so desperately to keep his cool. Stu could see right through John and his bullshit; he knew something had to be up. John’s posture stiffened and it was a dead giveaway, not to mention how defensive he seemed to be. All John wanted to do was spend his time with Paul nowadays, and the fact that he couldn’t do that openly made him mad. 

“Ya know what, how about we meet up at your place after school?” John suggested with a smirk, hoping that would shut him up for now. He saw Stu’s face light up at the idea. 

“Are you actually gonna show up?” Stu questioned skeptically, with a small grin. 

“Yeah, I haven’t got any plans today,” the brunette nodded in conformation, debating on rather or not to show up. If he showed up, then he couldn’t see Paul today. If he didn’t show up, then he risked not being caught and being questioned again. However, on the plus side, he could see Paul today. In all honesty, he had started to grow bored of them. He wanted to progress and become a better person for Paul, and they were holding him back from doing so. He needed to move on with his life and straighten himself up. Meanwhile, Paul was starting to become more confident and edgy, thanks to John. The brunette would figure out the technicalities later, for now, he just wanted Stu off his back and for the questions to stop. 

“Sounds like a plan, I’ll see ya later, John,” Stu clasped his hands and rubbed them together delightfully, and the three dispersed for their classes soon after. 

John never showed up that day, and Stu was disappointed and disheartened. Stu laid in his bed that night, his mind racing. Why didn’t John come over today? He promised. He was angered by the fact that John, once again, bailed out on him. Perhaps John was hiding something, he had to be. Stu spent hours trying to reassure himself. Maybe John had a secret girlfriend, or maybe he was genuinely busy. He knew that John also liked to have alone time for a few days, but never an entire month. He also worried if John was simply just bored of him. Maybe Paul was in the picture? There was no way, he wanted to believe, John hated Paul... 

A few days later, Stu was roaming the chilly streets with his hands in his pockets and his sunglasses on. The sky was dark, indicating that it was nighttime and the neighborhood had settled down. He couldn’t take his mind off John, his mind going to the same three or four possibilities as before. They played in his head like a broken record. He needed a distraction; he couldn’t sleep with John running through his mind. He was incredibly upset at John for ditching him like that. He let John cry on his shoulder whenever he was broken up with, when Julia died, whenever anything bad happened to him, Stu was always there for him to ramble to. The brief intimate and intense moments they had previously shared, Stu confessing his deep love and admiration for John to only be rejected by him... He was completely baffled. 

A loud growl came from Stu’s stomach, he hadn’t been eating much lately due to the stress of this whole situation. He checked his pockets for money, which he had little of, and decided to head to the local diner to hopefully comfort himself. He wasn’t one to turn to drugs or alcohol like John.

~~~

John and Paul were liquored up nicely and they were exploring the streets. The two finally had the courage to venture off into the cold night together, the alcohol erasing any care in the world that they had. Tonight was their night, and no one was going to stop them. Sounds of their boots click-clacking on the pavement were heard and they were rather rowdy and giggly. This was the most drunk Paul had ever been, and John was having a blast with his Paulie. John never imagined Paul letting himself get this lax, and he was fun to be with. Paulie was a giggly mess, babbling on about whatever and John laughed. The night seemed to be filled with laughter for now, genuinely enjoying each other’s company. They had settled on going to the diner to grab something small to eat, as to not ruin their buzz, but they needed to sober up at least a little bit. Paul was craving a good ol’ milkshake, and Johnny was paying tonight. John had always wanted to treat his little Paulie, they had never been out on a date before and this was the closest thing that they’ve had to a date.

Once they grabbed a bite to eat and Paulie had finished his milkshake, the pair stumbled out of the diner, and Paul was in a sort of mood. It was an indescribable mood, but he knew that he wanted John all to himself. He wanted to do things to John, his imagination running wild, unsure if John would even let him do those things. They stood in the parking lot right next to a parked car, continuing their conversation and having a good laugh. John leaned against the car, and Paul wrapped his arms around John, looking into his eyes with a predatory look, one that excited John. Out of the blue, John could feel Paul’s soft lips against his neck, allowing a soft groan to escape his chapped lips. A sudden bite on his neck coming from Paul made him grunt, biting his bottom lip. Paul’s hand trailed down along John’s side all the way down to his thigh, where he groped it before moving his hand to John’s crotch. He rubbed his palm against his growing bulge, biting John’s neck tenderly and left dark red hickies all over the side of his neck. John felt almost submissive to Paul in this moment, his hands resting on the other’s hip, allowing him to take control of him. He was surprised by Paul taking control for once, the idea had always excited him, but he wasn’t sure if Paul could fill the role. Nonetheless, he didn’t mind being in control all the time. Giving up dominance to Paul was a huge step in their relationship, and it showed that John trusted Paul with his body in such a vulnerable state. The younger male moved his lips back up to John’s and pressed himself against him firmly. Paul’s tongue danced around John’s, completely dominating his mouth. The ravenette grinded against John, which John could feel how hard Paul was. He couldn’t help but chuckle a little as Paul rubbed himself against John desperately. Paul was ready to rip his clothes off right then and there in that parking lot, wanting to bend John over and have his way with him. John had to remind him gently that they couldn’t have sex in the parking lot, which disappointed Paul. 

“Keep biting my neck, love,” John mumbled breathily, enjoying the foreplay. He wasn’t sure why, but the way that Paul bit him turned him on even more. Paul complied, biting the brunette’s neck once again, this time much harder. John groaned in pleasure, panting and spreading his legs. He was rock hard now, wanting to lead Paul away to do their drunken business. Paul kept John pinned firmly against the car, grinning at John’s reactions to the biting. 

“Harder,” John huffed, to which Paul bit his neck even harder, nearly drawing blood. John threw his head back, grinding against Paul desperately. “Fuck, Paulie...” He whimpered as Paul rubbed his palm against his crotch. Paul grinned smugly, watching John writhe beneath him. He wanted to go further, but he knew that he would have to go elsewhere. For now, he was content with teasing John just for a while longer. 

As Stu had made his way towards the diner, he spotted what appeared to be two blokes going at it near a car, but as he got closer, he realized who they were. At first, he couldn’t believe it, removing his sunglasses and squinting to make sure that it was indeed them, and not anyone else. Stu froze in place for a moment, his blood began to boil seeing Paul on top of John. Jealousy and rage filled his being, his heart aching in betrayal. He was absolutely stunned, eyes going wide in disbelief. He had to do something, and he envisioned himself beating up Paul. John was his, and he refused to allow anyone to take him away from him, especially not Paul. Quickly, the short teen bolted over to the two and landed a forceful blow to Paul’s face, knocking the young teen onto the ground. Paul grunted, laying there for a moment as blood seeped from his nose and upper lip. His head was spinning from the alcohol and what was occurring at the moment. Before Stu could proceed in further harming Paul, John lunged himself at Stu, successfully knocking him to the ground and landed on top of him. John was quick on his feet when it came to fighting, since he was used to fighting when he was drunk all the time. There was a rush of adrenaline when he realized who it was that attacked Paul, and he realized that their secret was out and that everything was over. Without a second thought, John’s fists came down in rapid succession onto Stu’s face, nearly rendering him unconscious. Stu tried to shove John off, however he was no match for John. John was much stronger than Stu, and the adrenaline rushing through him made him even stronger. 

Weakly, Paul stood up, spitting out the blood from his mouth before stepping behind John, and tugged on him. He kept trying to pull him off of Stu, being unsuccessful. 

“Stop it, John!” He begged. John didn’t listen to Paul’s pleas, continuing to swing at Stu’s face, leaving him a bloody and bruised mess. Paul wrapped his arms around John’s torso in another final attempt to pull him off of Stu, causing John to nearly shove Paul off of him. 

It wasn’t until the sound of sirens blaring in the background had caught the attention of the three teds, to which John immediately got off of Stu and grabbed onto Paul firmly. Stu laid there on the ground, blood pouring out from his nose and mouth. John and Paul took off into the night, sprinting along dark alleyways as to not get caught, their black attire making it easy for the two to make their escape. The police arrived at the scene moments later, helping Stu up and got him into the emergency vehicle. Stu refused to press charges on John, now he knew what was going on behind his back. He knew that this was the end of their relationship, neither Jim or Mimi would allow them to see each other ever again, and that fact satisfied him. 

The two teens ran off to their own homes, John helping Paul get back into his bedroom through his window where Paul immediately passed out, not caring about the consequences that was to come in the morning. Afterwards, John ran off to his home, where he carefully snuck back into his home to wash the blood off of his knuckles and clean himself up. He went up to his bedroom soon after, where he laid in bed, his heart pounding heavily. He was expecting a swarm of police to be banging at his door by now. His secret was out of the bag, and he knew that there was much more to come once Mimi hears about this. He laid there, his chest pounding and aching in anticipation of what was to come later. As the night proved to be silent, John eventually allowed himself to sleep, reassuring himself that everything would be okay, for now...


	5. ripped at the seams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> after the incident, both teens must face the inevitable consequences of john's actions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter isn't beta'd, if you're interested in beta'ing, let me know, please <3 comments are greatly appreciated and much more is to come very soon, hang tight! :D

The teen laid in his cozy bed, gradually awakening from his deep slumber. His big hazel-green eyes fluttered open as the beam of sunlight hit his face, his head now pounding, quickly covering his face with his blanket. He could easily tell it was noon when he woke up, seeing the sun was at it’s peak. The young teen reluctantly sat up with a groan, rubbing his face groggily, noting how sore his face was. Just touching his own nose caused him to wince in pain. His fingertips brushed against a scab that appeared to be found on his upper lip, where he picked at it for a second before stopping. His head stirred, struggling to recollect the events of the previous night. His head throbbed, progressively worsening while he took in his surroundings, the sunlight not helping him one bit. That was the most intoxicated he had been in his life, and he didn’t know how to cure his hangover. Paul eventually rolled over and out of bed, still dressed in the same clothing he had been wearing, even wearing his boots and leather jacket. He stunk of alcohol and was very nauseous. Once out of bed, the Liverpuddlian trotted to the bathroom to examine himself closely in the mirror. He was absolutely horrified at the sight of his pretty face all bruised up and swollen. Gently, Paul began to feel along his face with his fingertips, wincing at the pressure around his nose. Dried blood was left over from last night as well as a minor cut on his upper lip. He studied himself in the mirror with a soft frown. All that Paul could vividly remember was snogging John against a car. The more he tried to think, the worse his headache got. 

Paul trudged down the stairs after brushing his teeth and washing his face with a washcloth carefully. He noted Jim had already gone to work, which relieved him. He could not imagine how Jim would have reacted had he known that Paul was drinking the night prior. He knew how disappointed Jim would have been, especially if he ever found out who he was spending time with behind everyone’s backs. Slowly, Paul sat down at the dining table, the gears in his head turning as he kept trying to recall last night. He could feel his stomach churn, knowing something wasn’t right. Whatever happened, it was bad. He began to consider the possibility of John hitting him, but quickly dismissed it, as he remembered being helped into his room. Not to mention, John was rather enjoying feeling Paul’s teeth on his neck. Frustrated, Paul ran his fingers through his hair, staring off towards the counter where his eyes rested on a pair of sunglasses... 

Stu. 

It hit him all at once, and it hit him hard. He sat up, his heart plummeting at the vague memory of Stu hitting him, then John violently beating Stu along with the sound of police sirens echoing in his mind. They were caught, he recalled. His hands covered his face, a tear rolling down his cheek. There was so much blood, Stu was off much worse than Paul, that he knew for sure. He worried for John now. It was very possible that John could be in major trouble for what he had done. For once in his life, Paul dreaded his father coming home. He knew that he would have to come clean. The feeling in his gut worsened. 

Paul hung his head in defeat, more tears cascading down his puffy cheeks. Quietly, he sobbed into both of his hands, his mind playing out all the events leading up to the incident on repeat. That’s all he could think about. He knew that they were over.

~~~

John woke up drenched in sweat, the stench of booze filling up the room. It smelled like a brewery. He squinted, taking a gander around the dim room. For a moment, John nearly dozed off again, wanting to sleep off his hangover. He laid there, letting out a soft groan. His head was starting to kill him, making it nearly impossible to fall back asleep. John sat up in his bed and took another look around his room. He glided his hands through his hair and rubbed his face, his mind blank now. Soon John rose from his bed and traipsed over to his dresser, opening a drawer and grabbed a bottle of aspirin. He poured a few pills into his hand and popped them into his mouth, swallowing them dryly. 

As the medication took almost immediate effect, John proceeded into his bathroom to clean himself up. He smelled terrible. Before stepping into the shower, the brunette observed the subtle bite marks and hickies on his neck in the mirror, his calloused fingertips trailing along them softly. He bit his bottom lip, a soft blush forming on his cheeks. His mind wandered off to the vague memory of his Paulie on top of him, kissing him and biting his neck, and him wanting even more. The pleasant memory was soon disturbed by the sudden realization that he had beaten the shit out of Stu, and that the cat was out of the bag. He felt butterflies in his stomach now, and a dull throb in his heart, knowing what was to come. 

Once finished with his shower, John meandered down the stairs with a new change of clothes and his hair gelled up into his usual ‘do. Aunt Mimi had been sitting in the dining room table for most of the morning, her plate empty with a half-empty cup of tea right next to it, and a newspaper in her hands. She glanced up at John blankly, sipping beverage quietly. John gave a tense smile to Mimi, pulling a seat out for himself and sat down across from her. 

“How was your night, John?” Mimi asked with her brow slightly raised. “Sleep well?” She inquired, turning the page of her newspaper. John shifted in his seat uncomfortably, looking down at his bruised knuckles. He ran his thumb across each knuckle, studying how bruised and busted they were. 

“It was alright,” John answered nonchalantly, shrugging. 

Unpleased with that answer, Mimi set down her paper and gave John an agitated look. “Do you care to explain why there were police at my door, hm?” 

He froze in his seat, feeling a twinge in his heart as it started to pound against his chest. He started to understand that he was caught, that his dirty laundry was aired out to practically everyone he knew. If Mimi knew, then Paul’s father must know, too, since Paul was there that night. Trying to keep his cool, John relaxed in his seat. “Alright, I got into a fight last night, okay?” John threw his hands up in defeat, downplaying the whole situation to get Mimi to drop the subject. If he was honest and truthful, he saw no reason for any serious punishment. 

“You are very fortunate that the family didn’t press charges, John, you’re forbidden to see any of them ever again.” 

“You can't, tha’s not fuckin’ fair!” John yelled, with great distress in his voice, feeling his coolness wither away. 

“You cannot keep up with this behavior, John, you’ve been extremely troublesome, and I’ve had just about enough of it. I’m enrolling you in a new school within the next week or so, you have lost your privileges. Your mother may have allowed this lousy behavior, but I refuse to tolerate it!” The woman scowled, raising her voice. 

John was livid. He huffed and puffed, his face contorting into a frown. His hands balled up into fists, squeezing tightly, wanting to strike. He shook with anger, standing up quickly. “Fuck off, Mimi!” He spat venomously, storming off to the front door. Mimi remained in her seat, watching as John punched the wall whilst throwing his temper tantrum on the way out. He swung the door open, then slammed it shut behind himself, leaving Mimi stunned. 

John disappeared promptly to one of his secret hangouts for hours. He was furious with the world, furious at Stu, furious at Mimi... He sulked; his mind racing and contemplating what to do now. He couldn’t process any of this. There was no way Mimi was sending him to another school, and there certainly couldn’t be a way for Mimi to keep him away from Paul. For all John cared, Stu could go straight to hell with that stunt he pulled on Paul. Shakily, John reached into his pocket for a smoke, lighting it and took a long, long drag from it before exhaling. He needed to process all of this first before he could take any sort of action. 

It was dark, and John came in through the door, expressionless. He gave a brief glare at Mimi, idling at the doorway for a moment to observe her. The pale woman sat in her chair in the living room with her legs crossed, enjoying her cigarette as she looked at John with a small unamused glance. 

“Done sulking?” Mimi took a puff of her smoke. John said nothing. She watched John disappear silently into his room and sat back in her chair.

~~~~

Hours later, Paul heard the front door open and Jim called for Paul, ordering him to come downstairs. The ravenette gulped anxiously, hopping out of his bed and put away his magazine that he had been reading to keep himself occupied. He had a change of clothes on and a candle lit to freshen up his room. Most of his day was spent in bed worrying about the outcomes of today. A small part of him desperately wanted to believe that Jim was oblivious to the whole thing, but knowing how things spread around the neighborhood, he doubted that his father was clueless. His chest was heavy and filled with dread. 

“Coming!” Paul belted out and rushed down the stairs. Each step he took down the stairs, he could feel his heart ache terribly, his stomach twisted in all sorts of knots, thoughts all jumbled. His heart was racing, and his thoughts were jumbled. He felt sick. The teen stood at the bottom of the stairs, taking slow strides towards his father, facing him with a worried expression on his face. Jim set aside his coat, crossing his arms and gave Paul a firm disappointed look. Paul gulped, folding his hands in front of himself. 

“You know what this is about, right?” Jim began, stepping closer to Paul. The anxious ravenette looked up at his father with wide, frightened eyes, the only time his eyes were that big was when he was in trouble. And he wasn’t in trouble often. Paul nodded his head softly, lips glued shut. His mouth was dry. “I heard about that John lad and that fight that he was in, Paul, and I know you were there with him. He isn’t any good-” 

“He hit me first!” Paul interjected, silencing himself quickly after that. 

“And I know you were drinking, Paul, you were passed out before I left and you were still wearing your clothes. I called your name at least five times before I left and all you did was roll over,” the man continued. “I’m just looking out for you, Paul, but that’s got to stop. You can’t see John anymore,” Jim stated, though, there was a tone of compassion in his voice upon seeing the devastated look on Paul’s face. He could care less if he was in a relationship with another lad, he just wanted Paul to be safe. He was doing this for the safety of Paul. 

His hazel-green eyes watered up, and Paul trembled. He shook his head in disbelief, unable to fully process what was going on right now. He rubbed his face to prevent himself from crying. It took so much from Paul to hold back his tears, and his father could see how much he was holding back. He wanted to shout and curse at his dad, the only thing keeping him from doing so was the thought of maybe his dad was right. He remembered doing much better academically before meeting John, he was much more proper, too. Nothing good ever came from Stu and John. As Paul felt a tear roll down his cheek, he was quick to wipe it, hanging his head in defeat. 

“I guess you’re right, Da...” the teen mumbled softly with a small sniffle, shaking his head once again. He knew that his dad was looking out for him. He loved his dad to death and knew that he just wanted Paul to be safe. He was torn between him and John, coming to the realization that he simply could not keep up that fantasy up anymore. He knew that this day would come where they were caught and torn apart from each other, and Paul was not at all prepared for it. Jim shuffled forward and hugged Paul tightly, rubbing his back comfortingly. He could tell that Paul was hurting. Paul returned the embrace, his chest still tight and fighting the urge to cry, putting a strain on his throat. Paul couldn't even begin to imagine a life without John now. He had become such a significant part of his life; he wasn’t sure what to do now. He supposed that now was the time for him to accept this and move on with his life, no matter how much it tore him up inside. No matter how many intimate moments he and John shared, all of those silly promises they had made... His dad was always right. 

Jim slowly released Paul, stepping back and gave him a small smile. “Are you hungry, Paul?” 

“No, I already ate today,” he gave Jim a weak smile. Jim tussled the boy’s hair gently before giving him a kiss on the head. 

“Goodnight, Paul, I love you,” Jim returned the smile, relieved that this wasn’t going to be a full-blown fight. 

“Love ya too, Da,” he said, and headed upstairs to his room. 

In the safety and privacy of his own bedroom, Paul threw himself into his bed after closing the door behind him. His hand shakily reached over to turn off his lamp off and grabbed one of his pillows. Paul buried his face into his pillow, folding his knees up to his chest. Tears began to fall from his beautiful eyes, leaving a wet spot on his pillow. He felt like screaming into his pillow. He could feel his heart ripping into shreds, and it hurt so fucking bad. The only thing that filled his head were those negative, pesky thoughts. It felt like something was clawing into his chest, his throat becoming incredibly sore from holding back his cries. A small suppressed noise came from his throat, where he forced himself to be quiet. Maybe John was a terrible influence on him, and he was picking up bad habits from him. He never started drinking until he met John, and he never snuck out either. Paul wasn't particularly fond of how violent John could be sometimes. But he liked that about John sometimes. He liked how tough John could be, and how he wouldn’t take shit from anybody. It was something Paul looked up to, he wanted to look just like John. He adored John’s style and his attitude, but the violence, and how taboo their relationship was... The boy’s sobs started to grow progressively louder as he buried his face in his pillow, straining his throat. It felt like he was suffocating. He gripped onto the pillow, reminiscing those few moments he had with John. The time at the beach often replaying in his mind. That was a beautiful day, it was almost as if it happened yesterday. It was magical. 

Paul’s sobbing was taking a massive toll on him as more memories danced around his head, Jim’s words reentering his mind as well. He was exhausted. Logic soon won over his mind as he began to accept the reality that Jim was right. This was just a dirty secret that should’ve never happened, and it landed him into trouble. He could’ve been doing so much better now, but he got caught up with John. As much as he hated to admit it, John was trouble. Paul closed his eyes, curling up as his weeping came to an end, and finally closed his eyes. 

It was over.


	6. hopelessly devoted to you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> drunk john gets a brilliant idea to get his paulie back

Months went by and the two star-crossed lovers hadn’t spoken to each other, much less seen each other. Paul had managed to avoid the older teen, which hurt John deeply, knowing exactly what he was doing. John was growing more and more distant from all his friends, especially Stu and had eventually stopped talking to them all together. He had already moved schools, where he was an outcast. It was a huge culture shock to him, going from the center of attention and action to being shunned away. Hardly getting any sleep, John had started spiraling back into a depression, and Mimi had taken note of this. 

All John wanted to do was be with Paul, he was the only thing on his mind. He wasn’t one to forget easily. 

Meanwhile, Paul bottled up his emotions and convinced himself to get over John. He didn’t want to disappointment to Jim. He already felt like he had let his father down, but he was finally back on track. Despite being convinced that he had moved on in life from John, it seemed as though the brunette haunted him in one way or another. Every poem in English, his mind subconsciously connected it to John. Every song on the radio, John popped into mind. Paul was going mad. It was to the point that he stopped listening to music, sick of John following him. 

He even considered getting rid of his guitar. 

John was not going to stand for this any longer. He could feel a dark cloud hovering over him constantly. He needed Paul like he needed oxygen, he craved him like a cigarette. 

One Friday night, the ted sat in his room, bottles scattered all over his room. It was like a pigsty. Mimi was upset about how much John had let himself go, but he couldn’t give a fuck about what Mimi thought. Fury rose from him each bitter sip he took, the more he lingered on the thought of how cruel the universe was to him, the angrier he was. His heart was heavy with melancholy, feeling hopeless for what seemed like years to him. 

As he took another sip from his bottle, John’s head started to spin, the gears in his head turning. What if he _did_ get Paul back? Hypothetical scenarios played out in his mind, wondering what would happen. 

A lightbulb appeared over his head, and a sudden rush of euphoria filled him. He realized what he needed to do to get Paul back. 

After downing the rest of his liquid courage, the liquor going down his throat smoothly, John fumbled around in his room and dressed himself in his usual leather attire and combed his hair back with a thick glob of gel. He didn’t care how idiotic or dangerous this plan was, he just wanted to see Paul one more time. 

With one goal in mind, John clumsily snuck out of his room the same ol’ way he used to. 

It was all or nothing tonight, and John was going to give it his all. 

~~~ 

As his hand strummed idly at his guitar, Paul sat on his bed, concentrating on coming up with a new song. It was a rhythm he had in his head for a while now and he wanted to perfect it tonight. He hummed a tune softly to himself, each lyric in his head going back to John. Tonight, Paul had given into his emotions, and the only way he was going to get over John was to express his feelings and come to terms with everything. He had a lot to get out, and the only way he could do that was through music. 

**BANG BANG**. 

Jolting from his spot on the bed, Paul pulled his curtains off to the side and he met his gaze with John’s, his heart skipping a few beats. Paul pried his window open to speak to John, frowning. 

“I can’t see you anymore, John, please go home,” Paul said sternly, wanting to mean what he said. He wanted John to leave him alone forever, at the same time, he didn’t. He wanted John back as much as John wanted Paul back, but Jim’s words echoed through Paul’s head. 

“No!” John exclaimed. “I’m not fuckin’ goin’ home, Paul, I need ya,” he cried out, inviting himself into Paul’s bedroom, crawling onto Paul’s bed. Being drunk, John’s movements weren’t particularly graceful. 

Paul noticed the stench of alcohol off of John immediately. “John, go away! It’s not going to work anymore, just go!” He stood back, his breath hitched as he fought off tears. He didn’t mean any of that. A voice in the back of his head was screaming for him to stop, to take it all back, but he knew that there was no going back. 

“Do ya not fuckin’ love me, Paul? Is that what it is?” John spat with a strain in his voice, raising his voice at Paul. He didn’t care what happened anymore. He didn’t give a fuck if he woke Jim up or not. 

“Fuckin’ hell,” Paul rubbed his face, running his fingers through his hair and grabbed a fistful of it, his voice shaky now. He began to pace back in forth in a panic, throwing his hands up into the air. “You’re no good, John, my dad said so!” 

Tearing up, John stared at Paul in disbelief. It seemed like everything was happening so fast and he had no control over anything anymore. The whole event of it all was enough to sober up John, his head no longer spinning, and he was just rendered speechless with tears rolling down his cheeks. His face contorted into a look of despair, as if he was stabbed right in the chest. Unable to hold it back like Paul did, he wiped his face with his sleeve. 

John didn’t want to leave without a fight. He was so stubborn, so bound and determined to change Paul’s mind despite how much it seemed like Paul didn’t love him anymore. 

With his back pressed against a wall, the ravenette slumped down onto his rear with his hands covering his face. Inside of him was a battle, seeing John being hurt in front of him, then thinking back to his father. It hurt him just as much as it hurt John. He didn’t want to throw away what he had built with John. 

Paul’s breathing grew heavier, managing to keep his tears held back during this entire ordeal. 

Seeing Paul in distress, John boldly moved from the bed and towards Paul. He sat beside Paul silently, wanting to comfort him. Wanting comfort for himself, too. His arms wrapped around Paul’s frame tenderly, his wet face buried into Paul’s shoulder as he wept. 

Hearing John cry like that shattered Paul’s heart into a million pieces, and he couldn’t fight back his tears anymore. The two boys sat on the ground with each other in their arms, crying desperately into each other’s warm embrace. 

“I need ya Paul...” John mumbled shakily, firmly grasping onto Paul’s shoulders and looked him directly in his eyes, his own face flushed. Paul looked into John’s eyes, reaching up to wipe away his own tears. The two started to calm down, quietly sniffling. 

“What are we gonna do, John? My dad doesn’t like you and we can’t keep this up, John, I really can’t... I don’t...” he choked. “I don’t want to disappoint my dad; I love him John. This is killing me,” Paul shook his head, and John grabbed ahold of his chin. 

“I want to be better for ya, Paulie,” the brunette admitted. “I want to stop all of this nonsense, I’m sick of pretendin’ to be someone I’m not,” John brushed his thumb against his chin gingerly. 

“What are we going to do?” Paul repeated, his voice still shaky as if he was going to cry again. 

“Run away with me, Paul.” 

Paul did a double take. “You’re bleedin’ insane, John.” 

“Please, Paul,” he pleaded, another tear rolling down his cheek. Never breaking eye contact with Paulie, his calloused thumb ran across the teen’s soft wet cheek softly. “I’m serious, Paul, I love you. I’m mad for ya...” 

All of this was messing with Paul’s head. Looking away, Paul shook his head once more in disbelief. “I can’t, John!” 

John tilted his head and leaned in closer to Paul’s face, now mere inches away from him. “Paul, ya have no idea how much you mean to me... Please, I need you. I can’t let you go, not like this. I wanna give up everything for ya, I want to go far with you, go places, see things together,” the brunette grabbed ahold of the other’s hand, holding it up to his chest, where his heart was. 

“I wanna do so much with ya, Paulie, I’ve got so many plans for us...” he trailed off. 

“John...” Paul mumbled, glancing at his hand on John’s chest, feeling John’s heart beating through his chest. 

“Paul, please...” He begged once more, drifting closer to Paul and planted a kiss onto his lips. Initially, Paul had tried to pull away, but John didn’t allow him to. He had him pressed up against the wall now, forcing Paul to surrender to the kiss. 

Paul closed his eyes, wrapping his arms around John’s neck and pulled him in closer, feeling the spark ignite again between them, the one that they had been craving for a while now. Time froze around them as they engaged in a kiss that seemed to last for an eternity to them. 

Pulling himself back into reality, John slowly pulled himself away from Paul’s plump and pouty lips, gazing into his eyes tenderly. 

“I love you,” John said softly. 

Paul admitted defeat, he couldn’t only follow his mind. He knew what his heart wanted, and it wanted John. 

“I love you too,” Paul replied with a soft smile, reaching up to brush the back of his fingers against John’s now damp cheek. “Let’s do it.” 

“Really?” John almost couldn’t believe Paul’s change of mind. “You’ll go with me?” 

“Yes, Johnny. I missed the hell out of you, y’know. I tried to forget all about ya but I couldn’t,” Paul smiled. “When are we doing this?” 

“Tonight,” John said solemnly. 

“You really are crazy, Christ John, ya gotta lay off that liquor sometime, yeah?” Paul teased with a soft chuckle. “Where are we gonna go anyways?” 

“Paris.” 

“Paris? John, we can’t go that far away!” 

“Come on Paul, please? I promise we’ll come back here soon, look, I know someone who can help us get there and help us, y’know, money wise,” John grabbed a hold of both Paul’s hands, squeezing them firmly. “Trust me.” 

Paul sighed, “Do I at least get to think about this, or do we have to do it tonight?” 

“Come on,” John instructed, rising from the ground, offering Paul a hand. Hesitantly, the ravenette pulled himself up and stood next to John. 

John patted Paul’s back. “Ya need an adventure anyways and I’ll protect ya,” John smirked, pulling Paul close to him and hugged him tightly, giving him a kiss on the head. 

“Let’s go,” said Paul, with his arms wrapped around John’s waist loosely. 

Once Paul had gotten dressed, similar to John, the two made their grand escape from Paul’s bedroom window. Adrenaline was running through the teens as they crossed many streets in the cold, dark night, John leading Paul by holding his hand across the city. 

John led Paul to a railway track, where a boxcar was stationed. One of the doors was opened and it appeared to be empty inside, about to take off once again for the night. Before hopping in, John took a gander to see if anything was inside the boxcar. Once John was in, he helped Paul climb in as well, the two scattering to either side of the door to avoid being spotted. Feeling the train begin to move, John and Paul sat down next to each other, gazing at the stars together. It was chilly. John took off his leather jacket and wrapped it around Paul to warm him up. 

Paul couldn’t believe that he was doing this. He felt like he was in a movie of some sort, or in a weird dream. He trusted John, seeing as he knew what he was doing. 

“I don’t know what I’m gonna tell my father you want me, Johnny,” Paul leaned against John, resting his head on his shoulder tiredly. 

Soon, Paul was fast asleep, John following suit shortly afterwards.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter updaaaaate!! sorry it took a while, i haven't been feeling motivated lately.


End file.
